Tomorrow vs. Today

Tomorrow is a interesting promise.

 In a way it provides hope for the future but in the same breathe the idea of tomorrow robs you.

When I am unable to get everything I need/want to done I tell my self tomorrow. I didn't clean out by car that's alright I can do it tomorrow. I didn't call my best friend...I'll just call her tomorrow. I'll do or go something/someplace  grand .I forgot to read my devos...I'll just do double tomorrow. Tomorrow reassures me that I still have time to get achieve my accomplishments. That tomorrow can be brighter then today. Reminds me of Annie -

The sun'll come out

Tomorrow

So ya gotta hang on

'Til tomorrow

Come what may

Tomorrow!

Tomorrow!

I love ya

Tomorrow!

You're always

A day

A way!

But sometimes I believe that I jip myself with focusing  on the promise of tomorrow. I don't get done today what I should, what I need to. I do what isn't as important or nothing of importance today, trusting in my tomorrow. That's not the right attitude. By putting so much off for another day I'm missing memories,  and chances of learning wisdom and knowledge. As well as missing opportunities to show my love to others and even the chance of having a clean car.

The idea of tomorrow is not a bad thing. It gives us hope but today's not that bad either. I it's time for me to Seize the Day. 

Facing my Fears

You see sometimes I'm afraid to write. I am afraid that once I started writing I wouldn't be able to stop. And that every feeling, ever secret that I ever had would be reveled to the world. And that scares me. It scares me so much that I use make sure I never wrote anything too long, unless it was something absolutely boring, like my senior research paper.

Although I was quite enamored writing the paper I got to do it on education reform and it was a grand old time. But anyway I digress.

But I have decide that it is time for me to be brave. That it doesn't really matter if others get to know too much of me. They can deal. Although if I'm really honest with my self, I think the real question is - Can I deal?

You have the Power to Break my Heart

I wish you could understand this power you have be given over me. I know you know but I don't think you have realized how much that I have entrusted in you. For I have given you the power to break my heart.

Sometimes I'm tempted to snatch that power. The words I've said, gestures I've made, the feelings, all of it. But I can't. Truth is I want you to have that power. If not you, I would make sure it was someone else because if not I know that my heart would turn to ice. Then I wouldn't be able to feel anything at all and honestly that's even scarier.

So I have chosen to trust you and I beg you not to break me but I know that is asking to much. Although if you could stay around after you break my heart and help me piece it pack together then I would beyond a doubt that I choose the right person but until then I just have to trust you. 

He Brought Me My Baby Doll

My brother and I are sixteen months apart. When we were younger it had seemed as if we had live in the middle of nowhere, so we were more then siblings we were playmates, best friends. My brother, with the exception of my mother, was the person who knew me best and that is why whenever I was upset he would go get my baby doll.

I can not remember why my brother decided that tears meant that I needed my doll. I don’t remember if one time my mother suggested it to him so then he always did it or if I asked him or if it was his own idea. (Maybe I should ask…) But I do know that as children whenever I was upset my brother would bring me my baby doll.

That action, conforted me more then hugs, kisses,  words, or even a cookie ever did. 

Innermost Thoughts

Today I recieved an email from one of my dearest friends whom is away at college at this time. The first bit was the normal Hey I miss you. and Wanna talk later?At the end she had included an an a descriptive writing. As I read it I had to marvel about how much depth people have to them. 

Her writing included topics and feeling that we have discussed many times over the years but never so much at once and not always so well put. While reading I was able to side of my friend that I do not always get a chance to see and I was thankful that she was willing to share some of her quiet thoughts from her.

It reminds me of how sometimes the thoughts that we put to paper (or nowadays screen) somehow seem to be deeper then what we ever say. Why that is? I ponder. I have a few theories. I know for myself sometimes when I try to describe something that takes some thought - I'll give up because I feel as if no one understands what I am trying to say aloud, or I have a hard time saying it all in the proper order where in print I can go back and reread and edit. Also when we converse with others we interrupted each other (I am ashamed to say that I do this often) so there is not a chance to finish our thoughts. Plus sometimes a conversation is more intimidating then  an email or letter. (Hummm is that very point not often pointed out when there is an occurrence of cyber bullying?) It reminds me of people who often post deeper Facebook status, blogs or tweets then you ever seem to hear coming form their lips.

It seems as if pen and paper or screen and keys almost can provide courage or weapons to our inmost thoughts.