Being Lost

Cold and shivering I wrap my arms around myself.

I know that if I were to get up and walk around I would be able to get warm but I can't because I am too scared. Too scared that the wrong person will find me here. Besides I can barely move. My body has suffered to much pain in recent days.

After a while I realize that I hear someone calling my name. The voice sounds safe and good but is the owner? I listen and then I  recognize the voice. It is the voice of an old friend.

I try and call out.

"I'm here, I'm here," I try to cry out but my voice is barely audible to my own ears. So I clear my throat and try again.

"I'm here, I'm here."

Moments later I feel a blanket being wrapped around me and my friend's voice saying over and over again, "Thank God I found you."

As I lifted up my head I found her eyes looking into mine.

"How did you know that I was lost?" I asked her.

"Because He told me, just like He told me where to find you," she replied with tears in her eyes.

"I'm so glad He did."

"Me too. Me too."

You leaving

I don't want to go to sleep.

Here's why once I do it's another day over. Another day closer to you leaving and I don't want you to go. Even though we are not together right now. The knowledge that you a couple minutes drive away is enough to comfort me.

Soon it will be more then a couple of hours and I don't want that. Which is selfish of me I know. I know that you need to go and that you want so badly to learn but I almost wish you didn't.

But I can't do that. I can't wish those characteristics away from you because then you wouldn't be you. And I know that if you didn't act like the person you are I wouldn't respect you so much. That then we wouldn't be such great friends.  That if it was me holding you back I would feel guilt and you would grow to despise we.

So I let you go and do my best to encourage you. Because as of right now you are meant to go and I am meant to stay.

To be honest I don't know why and I wonder if I did would it make the watching you leave over and over again hurt a little less?  Would it change that I feel as if  you move on and see new things and make new friends while I don't?  That I just sit here and wait for you to come home. 

Don't hate me.

I am begging you not to hate me. As in actually down on my knees begging by some miracle that you won't. Because I know you have every right to but I don't want you to. I want you to continue to love me.

If you were to ask me why. I wouldn't be able to answer you. I can't tell you. All I know is that I know is that I don't want you to hate me. Leave me, don't talk to me if you must but please don't hate me. And let me know that. I can handle anything but the knowledge that you hate me.

Please don't hate me. Please forgive me. 

Valid Feelings

I believe that a person's feeling are always valid.

Why you ask? What if….?

Yes I would reply to whatever crazy situation you could throw at me. Yes. I still believe that a person's feelings are always valid. Because it is your first response to a situation. You have no control over you feeling until you have a conscience effort to redirect them. And that can be an uphill battle. 

But once you have a feeling what you do with that feeling shows your character. And that is what makes you-you. Not the feeling. The actions that follow that those feelings make you-you.

Maybe the feeling is anger. Letting that anger hurt others, not good character. Finding healthy outlets for that anger, good character. Liking someone you shouldn't. Happens. (stupid chemistry and hormones) But what you do with those feeling, character.

Make sense. Maybe. Maybe not. But just try and take sometime to think about it at least.

Blog Post Challenge #3

Who was it this summer that taught you the most?

When one of my fellow bloggers suggested this topic for a blog post I loved it instantly. So I thought and thought and thought and you know what? I couldn't come up with an answer. I could come up with sorta of answers but none that I really felt rang true. To be honest I still can’t. There is not a single person from this summer that sticks out as someone who taught me 'the most'.

I guess you could say God but is God really 'a who'? I really don't know. I personally don't think He is. Besides God is always showing and teaching me. Either way the answer doesn't feel right.

Part me wants to say myself. But that feels like cheating and egoistic. Even though it is kinda of true. Once again I feel as if summer has taught me a lot about myself, how I react in situations, what I deem as important, and so on. Still using myself to answer this question feels as a tap out and I do not wish to tap out.

I guess as I think back over the summer I would say that I have learned a thousand different lessons from different people in my life. Some of the lessons were intentional others just happen.

From a pastor I was reminded to remember to let God do the judging and all I need to do is the loving.

From a leader I learned that hugs are great gifts.

From a coworker I was reminded to laugh at the silly things.

From a friend I was showed me how much words or lack there of can hurt.

From a customer I learned how much a simple act can make someone's day.

There are those examples and so much more.

As I wrap up this post I remind myself that I have yet to truly answer the question but it's the best I got so… but I am glad that I spent sometime in refection of what I have learned in these past couple of months.