Sometimes I despise
myself so much that I don't want to get out of bed, that I don't want to talk
to anyone, that I can't even look in the mirror.
I hate the fact that
I keep repeating the same stupid mistakes again, and again even though I know
that it's will hurt. I hate that I put
everything off until the last minute so then I am running around stressed trying
to get everything done. I hate that little thrill I get from getting the better
of someone else. I hate that I know
exactly what to say so that I get my way-even though it will hurt those that I
love. Sometimes I look in the mirror and I simply despise how I look. I could
go on and on but I can't because you know what that will make me hate myself
even more. I will hate myself for hating myself and I can't let that happen. I
think that would be my breaking point.
So I put on a smile
and think of something funny. I get dressed and go downstairs. I read, write,
run, dance, work, play with my puppy, watch movies, and talk with my family and
friends. I look around and count my blessings.
I put guards in place so that I won't hate myself. I don't compete with
others, I try and look for the good in everyone so that I won't find myself
tearing them down. I do my best to put myself on a schedule so I won't be doing
things so last minute (this one is waaaaaay easier said then done). Some days
are easier then others but I tell myself
that tomorrow is a new day and I just got to make it through today. And you
know what? It happens.
